Things I have learned in no particular order #76-#100

76. To be a lover and to be loved are two different things

77.  The wisest people know how to play like the youngest child

78.  Life can sometimes feel unfair

79.  Some of the most influential people in my life have been my teachers and coaches

80.  You can go home again

81.  I am not always right.

82.  You can never say Thank you enough.

83.  You can never apologise too soon.

84.  I’m happy I don’t have to think about keeping my heart beating, or breathing in and out.  I’m sure I’d get tired or forget.

85. To have friends who you call family is a treasured gift.

86.  To choose a child, or to have a child choose you is equally miraculous.

87.  One’s death should be celebrated with as much joy and happiness as one’s birth.

88.  I don’t know of any substitutes for living one’s life to the fullest.

89.  Sometimes you say more when you keep your mouth shut.

90.  There is genius within all of us.

91.  Find something that you are passionate about and then never relinquish your hold on it.

92.  I am FAT.-Fabulous, Accomplished Tantalizing

93.  Be humble with success and gracious in defeat.

94.  Art is the poetry of stillness

95. Sometimes the best exercise is rest.

96. If people say that they hate you, they probably hate themselves more.

97.  I cry when I am hapoy and I cry when I am sad, only my heart knows the difference.

98.  When you stand and fight for what you believe, do so in love, not in fear, for fear breeds hate.

99. I am limitless

100.  I am still learning….

Journey Through Recovery: The Prequel Part 2

…I  had lost much of the quality of my life, and was surviving on prescribed narcotics.  I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis, herniated discs, spondylosis and scoliosis Finally I couldn’t pretend anymore. Something had to give and I didn’t want it to be me.  I couldn’t celebrate another New Year with the weight of of 365 days still

A few years back a colleague had told me about Urban Poles and had suggested that these might be helpful in my efforts to exercise.  You see walking was both a pleasure and a pain. Physically you’ve already heard the story, but mental and emotional lying it was one of the few things I could do that not only could I have some cpntrol, but it brought me peace. Well like most exuberant exercise programs I was stellar…and like everything else life got in the way and I became less and less a priority, finally resigning the poles to the back of the closet.  On Dec 31st 2013, I remembered the poles and vowed once spring was back to use them again.

Meanwhile as my symptoms and function worsened and I could no longer hide what was happening to me, I had revisited my specialist a few times and I ultimately decided that if I didn’t want to end up in a wheelchair, I needed to have surgery. The goal was to be under 300 pounds by the date of surgery and I had to find a strategy in which I could be successful. Dieting and other weight management programs had failed before but I knew that if I could find the right tact, I could do it. The answer in the end was simple. I looked back at where and how I had achieved success in my own life and with those clients and patients with whom I had worked over the years.  The strategy was the word and principle of “Training”. I knew this; understood it intimately and so I started training, not managing or dieting or reducing.  I simply set a goal and “trained”.

I also adopted the “hard road” principle. I will write another blog on this principle, but essentially this means that in life sometimes you have to take the hard road.  And in fact, it has been along the hard road where I’ve learned many great lessons.  Too often we have chosen the easy road or have become afraid of the hard road but it is more than just surviving, it has been where you can thrive and achieve success.  I would walk  with the activator poles as part of rehab 5 or 6 times weekly. Eventually I graduated to the urban poles and could finally give my body what it had been craving for a long time.  I progressed from around the block, 15 minute walks to hour plus walks.  My training regimen has been enhanced by a great team of physios, massage and sports therapists. However without the urban poles and activator poles this story would be very different and I can honestly say that urban poling changed my life.  

Finally I had found not only the joy I sought, the weight loss for which I’d hoped, but more importantly, I found the peace I also needed.  And on October 15th 2014, I weighed 299 pounds.  Six months later, I still profess the success of my surgery and although with many stops and starts I now weigh 280 pounds.  I’ve weaned myself off of all narcotics and have been  “training” for the Sporting Life 10k which is tomorrow. .   My goal is to finish in under 3 hours…fingers and poles crossed..  

Mother Earth, Mother Earth

Mother Earth, Mother Earth

Daughter of my heart and birth 

Clothed in love and fragrance deep

Protectress of Creation weeps

You tear Her blanket mindlessly
Destroying life relentlessly

But still She loves so earnestly
And waits for you so patiently

Buffalo, Wolf and Owl I see

In my dreams they come to me

Sacred, wisdom, deity
Watching our eternity
Unwavering for You I wish

For time to save Earth’s Mother’s kiss

My life as a water faucet

DRIP

SPLASH

RIPPLE

REPEAT

Walking in the Footsteps

Walking in the footsteps of my brother
Fast cadence
Wide strides
I stumble and run
He glides
Effortlessly
Setting a pace he knows I can never attain
Yet
Looking back
In admiration?
Or is that  fear?
Yelling at me to hurry up
He stops
Smiles
Allowing me to catch up…
Until
Once more
I’m walking in the footsteps of my brother

Manifest or Manifesto

The words that I speak
Sublime
So neat
Row on row
Stacked high like plaited grass
Cultivated rice paddies of
Fear
Truth truly lays headless
before real realities
Whitewashed walls hide
faded thoughts
living beneath the surface of your skin
Can I call them into being?
Does my following think they see me?
Not me
Veiled you half truths untruths
Eunuch perceptions and
gilded illusion-filled judgements
first words celebrated
with burned-out candles on cakes
nauseatingly sweet covering
bitter incense
Rhythm and rhyme
Blues to the tunes of metronomic shoes
Leaking faucets to shame
you into mindless existence
Fight beyond the desperation
and subjugation of
sinless commissioners and ommission of sinners
Do you see what I believe?
Do you believe what I see?
After all this
Why?

A Medium Tirade

I am tired of the news and its blues and its views

Tired of the veiled morality and feigned reality

The fears that quash our tears of hope

ripping into our souls ripe for the taking.

Masked subliminal messages massaging full frontal exposure

recoiling from eroticized fantasy, bitch-slapped into existence.

Where is the edification of education, informing information

creative manifestations and healing proclamations

once timeless, evoking breathlessness, joy, peace, love…dude?

Synapses firing, fleeing, quivering,

we bind ourselves

becoming data-enslaved slaves of darwinian threats.

Ricocheted systemic blames erasing legitmate need

masked in the political thesaurus ring.

Echoes of character limits that facelessly bully and

prostitute solicitations.

Rise up to the violence spewed by hate-laced faith-less isms

Escape in the ecstasy of your drug fueled destiny

Take off your disguise and reveal yourself once more.

Amidst this dying age,.

an inspirational breath of life

if you please?

Bag Lady lyrics circa 1982-1986

And she’s sifting through the garbage
Clutching papers in her hand
She hears salvation army
Preaching ’bout that promised land

Walking down the city
See a big bright light
Cops are sitting pretty in the night
Baby’s going hungry
She’s growing up too old
Can’t get any money
So she’s sold.

And she’s sifting through the garbage
Clutching papers in her hand
She hears salvation army
Preaching ’bout that promised land

In her city dwellings
Winos at her feet
Fairy tales of childhood, lies, defeat
Living in this jungle
It’s brought her to her knees
It’s only at the night time
that she breathes.

And she’s sifting through the garbage
Clutching papers in her hand
She hears salvation army
Preaching ’bout that promised land

Sirens loudly blaring
Cannot hear a sound
Blistered body frozen to the ground.
Stapled eyes wide open
Tear stains crease her face
Sees sights unseen, unspoken
Where’s the grace?

And she’s sifting through the garbage
Clutching papers in her hand
She hears salvation army
Preaching ’bout that promised land

Scattered pictures flicker
In cold outstretched scarred arms
Glimpse eyes that held such promise
Beauty’s charm
There’s no one to remember?
Who’s there to kneel and cry?
Just a “crazy” old bag lady
Alone to die.

And she’s sifting through the garbage
Clutching papers in her hand
She hears salvation army
Preaching ’bout that promised land.